How to Show Your Man Some Love
86I often see women asking the question: How can I show my husband I love him? Typical responses seem to include things like sending him love notes and making his lunch. Some people will suggest getting in shape and dressing well for him (great ways to make him feel good, actually!) but there is far too little information regarding what your husband really needs from you.
I hope to address this issue in this article, without directly forcing you to purchase a book on the subject of marriage or go to a seminar. I will recommend a few books for you to read if you feel inclined to do so, and would be thrilled to engage in intelligent discourse with you about the books in question.
But first, I want you to know what your husband most desperately needs from you.
What He Needs to Know
Your husband needs to know that you respect him. I know, I know, the concept might seem foreign to a lot of women. "Respect?" you say. "What's the big deal about respect?" But you see, men and women are, contrary to popular cultural belief... different. We don't think the same, we don't act the same, and we don't respond the same to similar situations. We always will be different, no matter how much society wishes to make us similar and equal. So indulge me for just a moment and take a look at what is important to a man.
Men need respect. Respect is vital to a man. For a woman, love is like oxygen. It is a living, breathing need for us. We will fall apart, or complain, or withdraw if we are feeling unloved. Men are the same way, except that their need is for respect and they will often withdraw from us when they don't feel that they are respected.
Additionally, men equate respect with love. They see your respect for them as a sign of your love. When you approach your husband with a proclamation of your love for him, he may be completely unphased. If you try telling him that you respect him, however, you may see a pronounced difference in his reaction.
How to Show Respect to Him
There are several things that you can do that will help your husband to feel respected by you.
Appreciate him.
I personally feel that men aren't nearly appreciated enough! I am a truly blessed woman: My husband has, in the past, worked two jobs so that I can stay home with our daughter. He has encouraged me to home school in the future and he works hard five and sometimes six days a week in order to ensure that our bills can be paid. He sacrifices time with his family and time that he could spend doing what he really loves (golfing).
Your husband will feel both appreciated and respected when you tell him how much it means to you that he supports (or helps to support) your family. His work is something that is very important to him and it means a great deal to a man when his woman respects and appreciates him for everything he does for her and their children!
Admire Him
This one is a little bit tough for me. When I first started to explore respecting my husband and what it meant to him, this word popped up rather frequently. I could never quite determine what it meant! For some reason, I was stuck on admiration of physical qualities. What did I like about my husband? I admired his bald head, but I wouldn't want to have one. I think the gap in his teeth adds character but I wouldn't want to have one. I love his solid muscles and his sturdy frame, but I'd rather be soft and curvy.
So what do I admire about my husband? Let's see... I admire the fact that he is an excellent cook (I am not!). I admire him for his dedication to continuing education and increasing his knowledge. I admire him for knowing when to say "enough is enough." I admire him for doing the best he could as a single dad for so many years. I admire him for his artistic talent. I admire him for his perseverance in spite of adversity. I simply admire him.
Adore Him (in a Human Sense)
This may look different depending on your individual circumstances, but your husband thrives on your adoration. Do you greet him at the door when he arrives home from work? This will show him that you adore him (and therefore that you love him). Do you take the time to give him a shoulder rub after a particularly difficult day? Do you take the time to spend "shoulder to shoulder" time with him (as he would with his guy friends?). Do you suggest activities for your family that you know he enjoys (golfing, fishing, etc)? Do you ever give him his space just so he can relax without worrying?
Recommended Reading
 | Amazon Price: $4.31 List Price: $14.99 |
 | Amazon Price: $7.92 List Price: $22.99 |
 | Amazon Price: $5.22 List Price: $13.95 |
 | Amazon Price: $4.64 List Price: $14.99 |
One Last Thing
Ladies, like it or not, he cares about how you look. If you weren't already aware of this, I'm sorry to be the one to bring bad news. I know that we tend to think that men should think more like we do and therefore shouldn't worry about their partner's appearance. They should love us whether we are fat or thin, made up or plain-faced, dressed to kill or wearing our bathrobe. And they will love us regardless of how we look. But they might not feel respected if we don't make an effort to take care of ourselves.
My advice to all women is to take the time to shower every single morning. Don't do it at night, but first thing in the morning. Get dressed, every single morning. Put on your shoes, fix your hair and makeup, and dress for him. If you are a housewife, fix yourself before he arrives home from work and meet him at the door.
And if you're overweight (like me), put some effort into shedding some pounds. Just your effort will mean a great deal to him! Every man wants a wife he can show off!
Other Hubs on Marriage
- When can infidelity in a marriage be forgiven?
Infidelity can truly tear a marriage apart. Emotions run high on both sides of the marriage when one partner commits adultery and there are a thousand questions that the faithful spouse wants to have... - The Importance of Loving Your Wife
I believe that a marriage can be successful even if only one partner is willing to try to make things work. In this case, I am going to be addressing what it is that men can do to help to strengthen their... - How to Be a Happy Housewife
My long-term dream as a girl was to become a stay at home mother. I have always wanted to have a large family and to take care of them in the way that I felt was traditional. The dream has (as dreams will)... - What is it with women and tough questions?
Every man knows that at some point his wife or girlfriend is going to ask him some really tough questions: "Does my bum look too big in this?" or "Does this dress make me look fat?" She's going to ask these... - My Husband's Second Wife
Remarriage can be difficult on both partners. I cannot speak for the remarried men, but as a woman I have felt a wide range of emotions being the second wife. This article addresses some of the things that have come up in my marriage. - Why Women Obsess Over How They Look
This article was a response to a request about why women worry about how they look even when their husbands are happy with them. - Why Sex is Important to Men
Sex is so often used as a tool by women, a way to punish or reward their husband for something that they have done. Women don't understand how important sex is to a man, and how emotional the subject is for them. - Changing the Divorce Statistic
It is a sad fact that divorce rates are quite high around the world (though my research indicates that the divorce rate is happily rising less steadily than I had previously thought!). Marriage is no longer...
CommentsLoading...
In "Love and Respect" Eggerichs talks about testing a man by approaching him and telling him that you respect him. Then just waiting for his reaction.
I have never done that, but I do tell my husband all of the time how much I appreciate and admire him, and what it is that I appreciate and admire as well. It has made a difference in our relationship, that's for sure!
I believe everything a man gets, He first must earn
I'm sorry that you feel that way, Ella. My response to such a statement cannot be contained in comments but would qualify for another hub entirely.
Rose Ella - you're hard core girl - lol!! However, I agree with your philosophy to a certain extent. My question to you is would a woman have to earn her priviledges as well? Just curious.
My thoughts exactly, jxb7076! Of course I'm coming from a biblical perspective :)
Respect, even in the smallest things, means so much to a man.
My husband and I had a conversation about this today: Early in our marriage, there were many times that I rolled my eyes at something he had to say or something he did -- the little things that are part of learning to live together. While I had no intentions of being disrespectful, he felt disrespected, and stopped doing many of those things. He also stopped trying to help around the house. This is a problem, because they are now areas that no one takes care of in our home, and we are both having to consciencely practice these things. (He was right in the first place!)
Ivorwen, I think that men often assume that we know these things. We aren't as mysterious as they think that we are, often just misguided. I actually had a friend tell me all about how I should manipulate my man to get what I wanted. The key to getting what I wanted and needed from *him* was to meet *his* needs first!
You are so right! and with that said, I am going to go take care of my man... cook him supper and make sure he has clean cloths. :)
Good for you, Ivorwen! Mine is working late tonight... So it's just me and the Dinky eating supper together tonight! He's picking something up at work :(
I was trying to make it short and brief. Just being a male doesn't mean you deserve the respect and love of any female.
I sorry I didn't mean to come off so cold. women showing love is a very natural thing to do. I was speaking about the men who think woman should bow down and be submissive no matter how they behave.
As a medium in general, text is terrible. It's often very difficult to get a point across without occasionally sounding "so cold." I understand what you're saying.
I agree with you that it is a two way street. I am a submissive woman, but that doesn't make me a doormat or a "Stepford Wife" either. We each make our own choices, and what works for one family might not work for another family. In mine we have very clearly defined roles and it's helped us a *lot*. Some families work better when they are more egalitarian.
I prefer my role where it is because it takes a lot of extra weight off my shoulders. I feel as though we, as women, often have *so* much responsibility within our homes. It can be really overwhelming!
Sheesh, rant over lol
This is great! Thanks for getting to the heart of things. Many don't like to hear it, but men and women operate differently and have different associations than the other as far as what makes them feel loved.
I like this hub as much as your 'why sex is important to men'. Let me add one point. Prostitution florished because wives do not give what men want from wives.
Lest I anger the ladies here as well, Taram, I once read a study that said that women are more likely than men to cheat. The same is true of women: If our needs aren't met we tend to go elsewhere.
I might need to do a hub about wants vs. needs. I have a very clear definition of what is, for me, reality in these cases. And the truth is that respect is a need for a man and love is a need for a woman. Most of us can go without our wants being met, but our needs? You can forget about it!
EM, have to say that it is a two way street. just as we should respect our men, our men should show us proper respect and not speak to us in patronising, condescending tones as they are want to do.
I agree wholeheartedly, Cindy. I believe that's part of "loving your wife."
Though truth be told, something got me to thinking yesterday... I was watching "Trading Spouses" (yeah, yeah) and the step father on the show was treating his step daughters *horribly* and then getting upset when they weren't respectful towards him. But he treated them with such disdain. How on earth is it that men expect to be treated with respect they dont' show others?
Some men do have the problem of talking down to females as if we might only have half a brain. I think that this is learned behaviour they got from observing their own fathers.
I'd settle for half a brain..beats this 1/4 I'm working with now.....cindy...you think you could teach me fractions?
lol Blue, if you only have 3 inches and the average is nine inches then 3/9 equates to you only being 1/3 of a real man
You been peeping again Sin?
Cindy, I think that we as women also learn to take the treatment our father's gave our mothers. It's a sad thing.
And LOL!
I agree totally with this and CindyVine's previous comment that men need to show us respect as well! Wonderful hub!
Thank you LAmatadora!
respect should come from both men and women, i believe that you cannot love a person without respecting them, how on earth are you going to communicate a normal conversation when you are being harsh, noisy or rolling your eyes towards the other person. Love, respect and honour eachother is the way to a successful marriage or relationship.
Respect *means something different* to both men and women. I agree with you, but the issue needs to be examined more in depth. Contrary to what society would have us believe, men and women are not so very much alike and we do think, feel and (generally) behave differently than one another!
At least for me, the taking care of ones self, in the form of bathing and how you dress makes sense. But as for extra weight, do not find that a fair requirement. And say this with the notion never once gave my wifes weight much thought, knowing she only looked big after our divorce was final...and not another day while fighting or seperated? I'm talking not till the very last day...and was strange to me when noticed.
But also admit I'm one of those guys that honestly thinks full figured girls are sexy and real, and absolutly the most attentive lovers! So maybe not fair for this guy to challenge your asertion, even though hate to think of it as just a weird fetish? Sexy is an attitude for me, and if a little extra makes someone try a little extra...thats a beautiful sexy thing.
Her problem was issues of Intimacy in even the simple form of sharing her life open and honest with me. And went to much trouble to make her feel protected and safe with me. No fears, dreams or detail of anything that had substance and emotion.
And being the guy that wants to try and explain just how the butterflies in the belly feel jumping a snowboard, or why another cast of a fishing pole, with the notion is not so unlike just one more quarter in the slot machine. And was this way from the first day to last. Even in the magic time starting out together, she had zero ability to ask for what she would almost pace at the foot of my bed for. We had sex every day like most new loves..and only because she looked flush while pacing...LOL
At the time found something inocent and sexy about what just seemed shyness from my good girl ;-) But cost me a best friend, and feel like I still don't know her as well as some girl I have talked a few hours on the phone with, only a couple times not long ago. I'm starved for the best part you girls have to give..beyond sex.
I like your hub, Thanks.
very good information, and I do think that it is the responsibility of each spouse to take the time to care of themselves and try to look good for the other person. when a spouse lets themselves go it also shows a lack of concern for the other spouse.
I just wanted to thank you for your hub. Thank you for being a Godly wife to your husband. It makes the biggest difference in the world. (Even if he doesn't "deserve it." 1Pet 3:1-2 "In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.")
thank you for addressing this issue and responding from a researched standpoint. I honestly think that because some people are not Clear of their Life Roles that this subject get misconstrued. If we don't understand as people that each and every relationship deserves a fresh start, then each and every relationship will start the same. I am no where near as humble and endearing as Everyday Miracles seem to be, but I do understand Men and Women roles in a relationship. If you are subject to feel that no one deserves your compassion respect loyalty and admiration without giving you the same then you are allowing yourself to negatively react to an already unhealthy situation. I try my hardest to address any new relationship as just that. The only reason I am saying this is because bitter angry Women make it difficult for life's growth. We have so much power we use inefficiently it cause a stubble in life. Great Job on the Hub and I must keep you on my "To Do List!"
Hi,
I liked that hub. As a Christian woman I am well aware that men deserve and need respect. Christian wives are required to give respect to their husbands, especially if they are great men of God. Nevertheless, we all need a reminder sometimes. As a young woman it is hard to always overcome and give him the respect he deserves, but it is required of me so I must.
Very practical and down to earth. Yes. It is extremely important for woman to know that feminine style of expecting expression of love does not exist in men. Perhaps during initial stages of marriage, men may appreciate receiving surprise gifts, verbal eulogizing of love etc, but as the relationship matures, men want more of love in the way you have explained.
I am glad to give a link to this article of yours in my Hub:http://hubpages.com/hub/What-is-the-ideal-age-gap-
There is always something in relationships we can improve and being aware helps a lot! Thanks for the great hub.
Wow, the fact that this sort of cookie cutter pop pschology is still being fed to women is scary. All HUMANS want respect, love and adoration. It's not specific to men. And it's either real, in which case you don't need to 'prove' it, or it isn't. I can't believe women are still being taught how to make men feel okay. Men are responsible for their own feelings. As are women.
my wife takes like a hour to dresses up lol but i don't mind :)
whether its respect or admiration for hubby...it always comes where there is true love.
i dont know about the rest but the way i show my man some love is just by saying that “I LOVE YOU”. and if i get naughty i also add “you are the sexiest man alive”.
This is very good advice.
jxb7076 Level 1 Commenter 3 years ago
Great information. Most women don't realize that they can get pretty much anything they want from their man if the simply respect him. How a man reacts or responds to his women is based on how much he feels respected. Sad, but true!